Journal of Miseries
by CinnaAndFinnickLiveInMyHeart
Summary: The funny version of Severus Snapes life written in what he calls a "journal" but we all know its just a fancy word for diary.
1. Chapter 1

Dear Journal of Miseries,

Last night, I was awoken by the Hogwarts faculty to "make sure things were O.K." I was still in my manly night-gown when Minerva stole a snicker and started pointing it out to the others. For portection, I slid my covers all the way up to my neck and mumbled, "Give me 5 minutes and I'll be down in the hospital wing." Minerva sighed and left me to my privacy. I mean, when _wasnt _it in the hospital wing? The way children act these days...

I slipped on a simple black cloak and made myself a mug of coffe. If its that Potter boy again, I'm taking all the time I can get.

Coffe still in hand, I took the long walk from the dungeons to the hospital. As I was about to sweep through the large doors, Albus came out, and walked towards me. "I like your style, Severus." He glided away, trying to keep back a few chuckles. My hand slapped my face. Of all people, why did Dumbledore have to know that!

I saw the faculty gathered around a small bed. Not to my surprise, Harry lay there with an evil grin directed at me. Then his face popped back into what others thought as "cute."

Potter exclaimed, "Guess what everybody? Im going to live!" The faculty gave a moan of adoration and heartbreak.

"How can you not see the mental issues in this kid!" I pleaded.

All I got were evil stares from everyone but Harry, who was overjoyed with maliciousness.

"Severus," Minerva started, "This boy just defeated the Dark Lord. Give this large eyed child some respect!"

Large eyed? I think she was mixing that up with his glasses. I sulked out of the room. The more sleep I got, the better. I needed all the energy I could get when teaching a bundle of children.


	2. Chapter 2

Second week of Year 2 at Hogwarts

Dear Journal of Miseries,

I woke up and sighed, not ready to take on the day. I slouched over to my closet and threw on one of my many depressing cloaks. In the Great Hall, I took a seat next to Minerva and myself. I was at the end of the teachers table so I could just think positive thoughts. I ate bowl of flavorless oatmeal. Once done with what Hogwarts calls a "meal" I paced down into my classroom. My watch said I had 15 minutes until class started. I decided to rest while I could, until I heard the laughing.

The giggling conntinued for the next minute. I took in a deep breath and stormed into the corridor. "Who's there!"

I was greeted by a blast of Cheese Whiz in the face. Before I had time to wipe the cheese product of my face and identify the students, they ran off, shreiking with enjoyment.

A small peice of Cheese Whiz falls into my mouth. I started gagging on the spot. It was that nasty muggle product made from... I dont want to know. Problably aluminum, liquified plastic, shampoo, ect.

I wipe off my face in my office. Gryffindors were already starting to enter the classroom. Like usual, Granger was the first to come in. That little perfectionist set all of her books in a orderly stack and laced her fingers together, gazing up at the blank board with anticipation. The bell rang.

I was about to start my lesson when Potter and the orange child burst into the room. "We're here, my lovley fans! I am the defeater of the Dark lord! Alongside me is my not as important servant. Ron, go fetch me my seat!" He gave a dramatic double clap of the hands.

"SIT DOWN, MR. POTTER!" I yelled.

"Gosh, you dont have to scream."

He meandered over to his chair and sank so low, only his eyes were showing.

"Today for potions class, you will ... ummmm... turn to page 34 in your books and make whatevers on it. Don't screw up." I went down to my desk and started grading papers. Neville was failing. Hermione's grades were shooting up, higher than the whole class combined. How can such a pesky girl be so succesful? I marked her grade down by 10 points. Thats better...

Among the small talk made by the class, a snickering protruded loud above the others. I shook my head and tried to get back to grading. "Quick Ron, get rid of the evidence! He's on to us!"

I got up from my desk and strode over to the commotion. "Wha'ts going on over here!"

Potter was shaking the orange kid's arm, trying to rush him. The orange one looked like he was about to eat a peice of parchment. Before he could, I whipped it out of his childish hands and examined it.

It was a drawing of somthing that was supposed to be me. Wait... was my nose really that big? Nevermind that, but I had a dead look in my hollow eyes. It said "Severus Stinks" across the top. When did they know my first name?

"Hehehe, I wrote the words! I'm so gifted." Hermione got a bashful look on her face at the comment she gave herself. Hmmmm, that will be another 5 points off for her...

"See me after class, all 3 of you," I said. The impact effected imediently. Hermione suddenly burst into tears and ran off down the corridor. I think Madame Pomfrey needs to perscribe that girl with some pills...

An hour later, I tested all of the potions. "None of you made a decent Bulbadox Powder! You all failed!"

"Umm, professor?" Neville asked, raising a shaking hand. "I thought you wanted us to make Doxycide." The whole class nodded in agreement.

"Oh, well then, class dismissed. Potter, Orangie, stay." Once the class left, I approached the boys. The orange one smelled like soup, and Potter smelled of plastic and... expensive perfume.

Before I could give them a punishment, Potter shoved me into the wall screaming "Bother! Bother! Bother!" They both started poking me. When I was about to kick them in the shin, they ran away.

Disturbed by their little performance, I started walking back to my office. A second later, I jumped at a sudden poke to my back. "Bother!"

I turned around, watching the back of Potter run away, shouting an evil laugh. Children these days, where do they get this stuff from?

**_Youtube, apparently. Thank you to NeilCicierega for the bothering bit. I just revised these two chapters I wrote about half a year ago, and they were horrible. I hope they are now better. I might continue this story later on, I just had to fix those annoying grammar mistakes. It may not be for a while though, I have many storys going on right now. If you have any ideas for a possible next chapter or you would like to comment, please review!_**


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